Are Introverts Worse at Friendship?

I had to teach a lesson that included a 25 question "Friendship Quiz" to third graders. The students were asked to rate themselves: 1 - Never, 2 - Sometimes, 3 - Most of the time, 4 - Always.  I must say, at the outset, that some of these statements seemed above the level of third graders, who are mostly 8 and 9 years old.  But some of them also made decidedly uncomfortable.  Remember, this quiz is titled "Friendship Quiz", so if you think of yourself as a good friend, you want to score pretty high.

Some of the statements that were to be rated:
I enjoy meeting new people.
I enjoy group activities.
I can carry on a conversation with someone I have just met.
I am able to find something I like in most people.

It seems to me that the quiz favors extroverts and that it would leave introverted students feeling as though their less gregarious characteristics mean that they aren't good friends.  There is a scale at the end of the quiz.
     75 - 100 points - You probably already have a lot of friends and are able to get along well with them most of the time.
     50 - 74 points - You have the potential to make friends, but you are probably having some problems  in some of your friendships.
     25 - 49 points - You have much room for improvement in your ability to make and keep friends.

And it was clear that some of the students NEEDED to rate themselves highly on everything.  One young lady gave herself straight 4s.

So, I have several questions about this lesson.  Is it appropriate for third graders?  Reading level: It seems to me that it was worded as though it was intended for older children or adults.  One of the statements was "I avoid criticizing friends."  Quite a few of the students did not understand the word 'criticizing'.  Emotional awareness: again, it seemed to me that some of the concepts might be unfamiliar emotionally to third graders.  How many third graders actually think about their ability to carry on conversations with strangers?  What about the kids who are told to not even talk to someone they don't know?

Then there was the one that was in specific conflict with something they had been told earlier in the year:  I am able to keep a secret.  Evidently, they had been explicitly told that "there are no secrets" at their school.

There were, as I said, 25 statements to this quiz and a number of them, including others not detailed here, made me a bit uncomfortable.  Not only would they make introverts feel as though they were bad friends, the level of introspection might make all the kids a bit anxious about their personalities and their reactions to normal events (meeting someone for the first time).

And a final question: given that the quiz made me uncomfortable and that I thought many of the questions were not worded in a helpful way, is there any way I could have gracefully gotten out of teaching the lesson?  I am a sub and this is a really nice school.  I enjoyed the day with the class.  I really don't want to alienate the teacher.  But I also don't like some of the messages the lesson has.  What should I have done?  What could I have done differently?

Book Review: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This book was interesting and brought up a number of observations about introverts that made sense to me.  It has colored my reading of several educational psychology studies that I have read concurrently.  There were times when I wished the author had edited it down a bit, but I must admit that those extra anecdotes did keep me reading, whereas straight exposition might not have. 

I have known for a long time that I am an introvert, but it always puzzled me how an introvert like me could also be a teacher, since teachers have to interact with SO MANY people in the day.  Moreover, I am a substitute teacher and I have to interact with many NEW people every day I work.  The explanation helps me understand why I am SO TIRED when I get finished with a day of subbing and also why, though I know I SHOULD "network" with other teachers at lunch time, instead, I retreat to the classroom and eat alone and in peace.   



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High School Today

I frequently sub for math classes at the high school level.  I am decent at math, though it has been a very long time since I had calculus, so that is a bit of a struggle.  Thursday, I was teaching two calculus classes and two pre-calc classes (block scheduled) and today, Friday, I was in a different school district, teaching three algebra II classes and two intermediate algebra classes (and one study hall) (non-block scheduled).

Two things are relatively noteworthy:  what's with the eating all day?  Kids come into class with candy, breakfast, snacks, lunch, and drinks, no matter what time of day the class meets.  Evidently the regular teachers permit this, but it completely astounds me.  The kids have 30 minutes for lunch, but evidently they don't like to eat lunch at lunch time.

The other thing that I notice is that, with the exception of the calculus classes, most of the students are confused and not interested in even trying to find out why they don't understand their math.  If I explain something on the board, even in response to a question, I have the feeling that I might as well be talking to the walls.  No one is paying the least bit of attention - even the person who asked the question.  I KNOW I am not that bad at explaining things.  Over the years I have gotten enough direct feedback to know that I am actually reasonably good at it.  But only if I am talking to students who are actually paying attention.  It is impossible when they are shielding their faces so much that you can't tell whether they get it or not.  I usually assume they are not getting it, but I leave feeling very confused myself:  what is going on in their heads?  Given that 80% of them are hooked up constantly to their electronics [why do teachers permit iPods all day? iPods that morph into iPhones and cell phones and electronics of any sort], my guess is that they aren't really there.

Reframing Your Greatest Worries as Gifts

This is taken from Ken Page's blog in Psychology Today:
(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-love/201109/how-your-greatest-insecurities-reveal-your-deepest-gifts)

"Are there essential qualities in you which have sometimes felt more like a curse than a gift? Perhaps you haven't known how to handle them, or maybe you've had the painful experience of other people misunderstanding or taking advantage of them. Take a minute to begin to put words on these qualities. As you name them, you'll learn to honor them, and you'll come to understand your struggles, your intimacy journey and your life story in a new way."

Qualities that I sometimes feel are a curse, rather than a gift: my accommodation of others wishes - I sometimes feel that I am so sensitive to the wishes of others that I almost unconsciously shape my own wishes according to what they want, rather than stick up for my own desires. I value the sensitivity, but there are times when I wish I could turn off others' wishes and just act on my own.

Another quality - perhaps a penchant instead of a quality - is my need to analyze everything. Other people see this as annoying, but I am constantly surprised that, in spite of this penchant, I still miss such obvious things. This leads me to want to do even more of it.

Day 2 - Positive changes

1) Three new things I am grateful for: I am grateful for the excellent discussion I was a part of at the library today - and grateful that I didn't say something stupid for once. I am grateful that I am able to turn down subbing jobs that I don't want to do and that I don't have to take them just because I need the money desperately. I am grateful that I found the will power to take a walk today, even though I really don't care for exercise.

2) Journal about a positive experience. The World Affairs discussion group at the library today was one of the best that I have attended. We were talking about the news event that happened in Afghanistan. Someone (presumably American soldiers) was burning garbage and the locals discovered that, among the items in the refuse were some copies of the Koran. This caused the Afghanis to start rioting against the Americans. We explored the culpability of the soldiers and in a larger context the culpability of soldiers in general for unconscionable acts. Which led to a discussion of the Ugly American and cultural insensitivity as well as the In/Out group instinct. Very interesting. I like food for the brain - especially when I don't say things that are too stupid.

3) Exercise. When I got back from lunch with the WADG group, I made myself take a walk. It was a nice day and I walked to the bridge that is fairly near to Platt Middle School and back. I don't really enjoy exercise, but I did do it.

4) Meditation. I still don't know how to meditate, but I did take time to read for quite a while. Maybe that is going to be my form of meditation.

5) Random acts of kindness. I complimented one of my UWA/Facebook friends on her improved ability at a game we play with each other. I used to win all of the games, but she has gradually gotten better, to the point where she wins a fair number of games.

Changing My Attitutde

I listened to a TED talk on creating lasting positive changes. The method involved 21 days of doing several things:
1) Make a list of 3 things you are grateful for each day. They have to be three new things each day.
2) Journal about a positive experience
3) Exercise
4) Meditate
5) Perform random (or conscious, whichever you prefer) acts of kindness, such as sending a positive email to someone in your social network.

Now, as a baseline, I think I am generally a pretty optimistic person - except that lately I have been plagued by self-doubt. That happens when you have been under-employed for a long time - and I have been. I am currently substitute teaching up to 4 days a week and I have a regular job on Wednesdays for 7.2 hours at $16 per hour. I think I am a good sub, but it is a tough job, and there is little chance for much positive feedback. Occasionally, I get comments from teachers I have worked for, but it is pretty rare.

The last two full time jobs I had, I had to resign - one due to health reasons and both because the kids were pretty awful at those schools. The full time job prior to that I also resigned, but that was due to the fact that the funding for the gifted program that I ran was cancelled and I didn't want to do any of the other jobs that were offered to me in that district.

So, in spite of the fact that I think I do a good job, I don't have a good job and it does get a bit depressing. Thus, this effort to focus on positive change.

1) 3 things I am grateful for: I am grateful that my mother made it through surgery OK; I am grateful that I could talk about it at my music lesson; I am grateful for a cat peacefully sleeping next to me right now.

2) Positive experience - in a day filled with anxiety, I guess one positive experience was the support I got from the secretary at my dentist's. She offered to fax a document I needed to send and was overall very helpful to me. People can be really great when you reach out to them.

3) Exercise - I swam 48 lengths of the pool. I actually count my laps in base 12, so I really swam 40(12) lengths of the pool.

4) Meditation - I am not sure how to do this. I think it is similar to how I get myself to sleep. I will find out more about meditation tomorrow.

5) Acts of Kindness - ah, well, there's always tomorrow. An act of kindness was given to me, though. A lady at the pool said that my swimming suit was perfect for me. I am too fat, but it is nice that someone said that the suit I wear looked good on me.

Not Young, Gifted, Bored, but Young, Gifted, Lazy

I was reading about a book with the title of Young, Gifted, and Bored by David George.  As I typically do (and I suspect a lot of people do, when they see a book with such a title), I thought of myself, in relation to the title.  When I was young, would I have described myself as Young, Gifted, and Bored?  I was certainly young and gifted, but I am not sure that the description "bored" would have fit me as well.

As background, I have to explain that I attended a two room school for elementary school.  Upstairs was Mrs. Jones, Elsie Jones, to be precise, with the Kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd graders.  I don't remember much of her class, except that a couple of us were allowed to work in a small art room on the north side of the classroom, that had an even smaller walk-in art closet on the east side.  I remember eating paste.  So maybe, I was bored.  But my mother tells me that Mrs. Jones had me read to kids when she needed to keep me busy.

I do remember the downstairs class better.  Mrs. Morse, Marie Morse, if I remember correctly, taught the 3rd and 4th graders.  Our 3rd grade class consisted of 9 girls and 1 boy.  The next class up had 9 boys and 1 girl.  There wasn't such a concept of differentiation at the time, but I think my teachers did what they could.  They realized that I was very smart, but there weren't many outside resources available to help me much.

Personality-wise, I was a very agreeable child.  The third of four children in my family, I was often the peacemaker.  I felt uncomfortable when there was conflict around, so I did my young-self best to avoid conflict.  What I learned was not boredom, but rather self-doubt.  Everyone else seemed fine, so I should be fine, too.  I also learned to be lazy.  Why should I work hard at something, since it came relatively easy to me?  I was one of those seemingly all-around gifted children, who could pretty much do anything that I tried.  There were a few things I wasn't particularly interested in - I couldn't see the reason behind throwing a ball back and forth and calling it playing catch, for instance, but, in general, I did what I was told, especially at school.  It never occurred to me that I was learning to be lazy. 

My fifth grade year was spent in a different school with a fabulous teacher.  I can't remember learning to work hard there either, but the class was so interesting, it didn't much matter.  It was my sixth grade year that was the problem.  This was long before the concept of middle schools, but the number of children had exceeded the capacity of the local elementary school, so the 6th graders were sent off to the junior high school.  By then, I had learned that everything was pretty easy and I didn't have to work very hard to learn anything in school, but I also didn't have as fascinating teachers.  And, then, indeed, boredom did set in. 

My point in all of this history, though, is that, yes, boredom was eventually a problem.  But an even bigger problem, for me at least, was that I had already learned two important things:  I was good at most things that I tried without working very hard at them and that working hard at something (which other kids had to do) meant that you weren't very good at it. 

For me, it took until college, before I found out that you were really supposed to learn how to work hard at something, so that you could master it.  I discovered that I wasn't very good at memorization, but I had no tools to help myself learn how to cope with the necessity to memorize a lot of information.  I had learned that I was good at most things without really working hard, so if these now were things that I had to work hard to learn, then I must not be as smart as I was always led to believe I was.  I floundered, especially in classes that really did require hard work.

Since then, I have had several university courses and jobs where I had to work incredibly hard to do well.  I can work hard and I have mastered some of the strategies of learning, when the work is difficult.  But I wish I had had to work hard much earlier in my life.  I think it would have made me more confident in myself.  And I think it would have prevented some of the effects of Impostor Syndrome:  I must really not be as smart as I thought, since I actually have to work hard to get this. 

Why do I think it would have served me better to learn, while still young, that hard work at something doesn't mean that you are bad at it?  I look especially to my daughters.  The older one is a gymnast.  Through her gymnastics, she learned a LOT about challenging yourself, about goal setting, about trying difficult things and eventually mastering them.  She is much more able than I to work through difficulties without giving up.  Both kids were in academic settings where they, in spite of being exceptionally gifted, had to work at learning.  The younger one was a swimmer, and participated in quite a few sports.  I think the fact that they were in an exceptionally difficult high school helped them learn what I didn't learn until college:  skills to use when learning is difficult.  And, the personal attitude that, if things are difficult, that doesn't mean that you have finally reached too far for your abilities; it just means that you have to put in some additional effort. 

Unsureness

At my age, I should be feeling accomplished, sure of myself, comfortable in my own skin.  Am I the only one for whom this sureness is so elusive?

Second Follow-up to International Conference on Gifted Adults

I have been pondering the talk on the stages of life of gifted adults.  I have the notes somewhere, but I am not going to look them up right now, because what I want to talk about is the problem of getting stuck in a stage.

Background:  When my husband and I were first married, he was in grad school, working on a Ph. D.  I got a job as a secretary for a brokerage firm, and later as an assistant teacher in a private school.  We put off having children until he could finish his Ph. D. and we would have a bit more established home.  After he finished grad school, we moved to the mid-West, and we both started our careers.  We had been married for about 5 years, when we decided we would start a family.  But it was much more difficult than the horror stories of unplanned pregnancies back in high school would have had us believe.  I won't detail all of the problems and heartbreak of infertility, but the relevant thing is that we were in the stage of our lives where we wanted to have children and we were unable to do so.  Life went on, but I felt like I was stuck in the stage of trying to establish a family and I couldn't progress further in my life, until this issue had been resolved.  It was such an important stage of life for me, that I simply couldn't move on with any other aspect of my life, until I had reached closure with this stage.  Eventually, after 7 1/2 years, we did get pregnant and we eventually had two daughters.

But the key thing I want to emphasize here is that my progress as a person was stymied by the years of infertility.  It effected every aspect of my life at that time.  And, now, I feel caught in another one of these stage of life traps.

Fast forward many years, our daughters are now grown and living on their own.  We moved to Alaska for my husband's work.  I, after spending some years as a teacher, a grad student, a computer programmer, a grad student (again), a computer support person, and a teacher (again), looked for a teaching job in Alaska.  Jobs were hard to get, but I subbed.  I even got a full time job for a semester, but had to resign with health issues.  The move to Alaska was to be for only one to six years, and, after six years, we moved, this time to Colorado.  Due to certification problems in moving states and the bad economy, once again, jobs are hard to get.  I am much older now, but again, I feel trapped in a stage of life BEFORE where I "should" be.  I should be settled in my work, feeling very accomplished and fulfilled.  Instead, due to changing jobs (and even careers) so often and moving, I am stuck in the stage where I am trying to establish myself and my personal effectiveness. 

And, now I am wondering what happens when a person gets stuck in a stage of life that really doesn't fit the actual age and maturity level of the person.  It is a different kind of asynchrony.  I don't think my experience is unique to gifted adults, just as the life stages mentioned at the conference are probably not completely unique to gifted adults, but I wonder if getting stuck in an asynchronous life stage is a different experience for a gifted adult.  Does it lead to more acute emotional sensitivity, more feelings of loss of self-worth, more depression?  I don't know, but I do know it gives me a stronger sense of what it must feel like to be an asynchronous child.  In a sense, a child's asynchrony goes in the opposite direction - they are "stuck" with interests and abilities AHEAD of their chronological years; I felt/feel stuck in stages BEHIND my chronological years.

Both are painful.

Follow-Up to Re-Framing Gifted Education

I suppose I should also add that we did, in the end, let some students who were borderline ready, but had good grades take the class.  They usually had to work very hard to keep up, but usually managed to do so.  We also put a few kids in the class, who were not good workers, but who were mathematically ready.  Most of them did just fine.  They still weren't good workers, but they kept up with the class. 

But the most interesting student, for me, was one who was more than mathematically capable, but who couldn't be bothered with homework.  He struggled a bit, because, in algebra, you really do need to work the problems in order to understand them.  But he also became fascinated with a piece of software we had called Green Globs and Graphing Equations.  The algebra class was held in the computer lab, since I was also the computer teacher, so we had easy access to the computers.  I used several computer programs, but Green Globs was the one that fascinated him.  The idea was that the computer would put several green globs on an x-y coordinate system and you had to write equations that would hit as many globs as you could with the fewest equations.  Your point score was higher the more globs you hit with a single equation.  As far as the class went, we mostly did linear equations, but I showed him some more types, parabolas, sines, etc.  The equations could be adjusted with parameters and once I showed him how to do that, he was hooked.  He loved tinkering with the parameters on the equations.  And I enjoyed watching him, the kid who in the past wouldn't have been in the class.

Re-Framing Gifted Education

I have been thinking about this idea for a long time and I am still trying to work out whether and how it might make a difference.  It began, I think, when I was teaching algebra to gifted 8th graders in a tiny public school in Illinois.  Before I was hired, a few students each year were identified by the 7th grade math teacher as being ready for algebra.  She based her assessment on their mathematical understanding and their grades in math class.  Grades in math class were heavily dependent on doing homework as well as doing well on tests.  I was interested in finding out if there were a more objective way of deciding who was ready for 8th grade algebra and found that there was an algebra readiness test - a fairly short test that would indicate which students had the mathematical understanding necessary for success in algebra.  I guess already I was thinking that grades don't always indicate whether a student has the appropriate mathematical understanding and readiness.  Perhaps it was from personal experience.  I have not always been the hardest worker, partly because I usually didn't need to be.  I got good grades up until college without having to work much.

At any rate, I did begin giving the tests to students who the math teacher thought were possible candidates for the class, including a few "lazy" ones, who seemed to understand the math she taught, but who were less than diligent in doing their homework.  And, as might be expected, the students exhibited quite a range.  Some were clearly ready, had good mathematical understanding, good grades, and good work habits.  Some were clearly not ready.  Either with or without good grades, their mathematical understanding wasn't good enough for taking algebra what was then "a year early".  Then there were those in the middle: two groups (no clear dividing lines, though).  There were some who were mathematically ready, but whose grades were less than stellar; there were some whose grades were solid, but whose mathematical understanding was shakier.  What to do with them?

I argued for including the kids who were mathematically ready, whether they had good grades or not - and this is where my thinking about the issue really took off.  The math teacher argued for letting those borderline students choose whether or not to participate in the algebra class.  With the kids who were hard workers, but only borderline ready for algebra, I could see letting them try.  But why should we let the kids who were mathematically ready for algebra take the easy way out and stay in 8th grade math? 

In general, we often allow gifted students to choose whether or not to participate in gifted programs (in the lucky instance that such are actually available).  But even in the regular classroom, activities that are differentiated for gifted students (again, if they are lucky) are often presented as options.  A tic-tac-toe of activities for a given unit, where students can choose which activities they want to complete in order to fulfill the requirements.  Gifted students are rarely required to do the harder options.

But why not?  When we send a student off to the special education teacher, that student is not given the option of not participating.  That student is not given the option of not working.  The student is, on the contrary, urged to work as hard as s/he can.  In the regular classroom, average students are not allowed to choose not to do the assignments, just because they require them to work hard.  Why do we let the gifted students choose not to work hard?

Working hard is a life skill.  Struggling, failing, persevering, and finally succeeding are the keys to achievement, especially once you get beyond secondary school.  Why do we let the students with the highest potential fail to learn these skills?

What would it be like if we re-frame gifted education to assert that ALL students need to learn to work hard?  They need to learn to struggle with difficult material; they need to learn to persevere in the face of setbacks and failure; they need to get the satisfaction that comes from working hard at something and finally succeeding.  This is a fairness issue.  It isn't fair to require that most kids learn these skills and not require that gifted kids learn them.  It isn't fair to let the smart kids goof off and make the rest of the kids work hard. 

So when the teacher tells you your gifted child is doing great without really seeming to work very hard, you can say: oh, really, I would like to see you require my child to work harder.  Is there a way we can make his/her work more complex, in more depth?  And the teacher can say to the parents who wonder why your student is getting harder work, we wanted to make sure that all students in the classroom are working hard.  Do you think your child is working hard enough?  Would you like for your child to get harder work in some subjects?

International Conference on Gifted Adults, Part II

This is going to sound like another downer, but it really isn't. I am, by nature, an optimist. I tend to take most things with equanimity and make the best of them.

But... (and, face it, you knew that was coming) there are times when pain takes precedence over optimism. What I think was missing at the conference was significant acknowledgement of pain, and practical steps to deal with it.

Yes, pain was mentioned, briefly for each stage of adult development. I brought it up myself when we were discussing Annemarie Roeper's message to us. My mother is 96. She is increasingly deaf and frail, which is an insult to what she perceives of her former self. Her most significant pain is that she doesn't have anyone to talk to. Annemarie alluded to this problem as well. And, as I said in the conference, my mother refers to her assisted living facility as "jail". I know they try and my mother isn't always the easiest resident to deal with (perhaps an understatement of gigantic proportions). But we need to look for practical ways we can help the elderly gifted deal with their pain.

Two other brief allusions to pain were also mentioned: the difficulty of finding a life partner and the pain of losing people in a relationship, either through divorce or death. I happen to know two young people in the 20 to 35 age range, who are not only gifted, one highly gifted, and who are also either gay or lesbian. Imagine how that complicates finding a partner. Which part of you do you hide?

And what about the pain of losing someone in a relationship? I have been married for nearly 40 years, so I don't know that particular pain, but it certainly isn't a cake walk. What are some tools of self defense that we need to make it through that experience?

Or the pain of losing or quitting a job? Which I do know quite well.

I am not spiritual - sorry, Patti - so it takes me longer to find the kernel of that message that can help me. And I believe my pain right now COULD actually be addressed in that dimension. But some of the other ways of coping would also be of interest.

Yes, I know that this was the FIRST International Conference on Gifted Adults. The most significant intellectual piece for me was the delineation of the different stages of adult giftedness. And, I know that many of us tend to be optimists, at least outwardly. But being in the throes of a difficult transition right now, I am particularly sensitive to the pain side and need to take a closer look there.

Death Notices

Someone mentioned the other day that, when someone dies, one of the first things we want to know is the cause of death, which some newspapers, for whatever reason, do not publish. I wonder why it is a matter of such curiosity to know what the cause of death was. It is almost as though we can say to ourselves, if the cause of death was X and it isn't likely that I will get X, then I don't have to think about dying right now. Sure, we all know that we will die, but personally, the best way I have of dealing with that is to not think about it.

RIP Liz Taylor, Diana Wynne Jones, Geraldine Ferraro.

Personality Test

I think this is moderately accurate, except that I am a bit more physically active than this test would tell. They asked about running for an hour. Well, I don't run, but I do swim 2/3 of a mile every other day. I am not fast, but I have good endurance. Oh, well, it was fun. At least on most of the questions for this test, I wasn't constantly trying to choose both sides of the question. I always have that problem with MBTI tests.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||| 53% Stability |||||||||||||| 56% Orderliness |||||||||||||| 56% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 70% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Mystical || 10% Artistic |||||| 30% Religious || 10% Hedonism || 10% Materialism |||||||||||| 50% Narcissism |||||||||||| 50% Adventurousness |||| 16% Work ethic |||||||||||| 50% Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56% Conflict seeking |||||| 23% Need to dominate |||||||||||| 43% Romantic |||||||||| 36% Avoidant |||||||||||| 43% Anti-authority |||||||||| 36% Wealth |||||||||||| 50% Dependency |||||||||||||| 56% Change averse |||||||||||| 50% Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56% Individuality |||||||||||| 43% Sexuality |||||| 23% Peter pan complex |||||| 23% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical Fitness || 10% Histrionic |||| 16% Paranoia |||||||||| 36% Vanity |||||||||| 36% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63% Female cliche |||||| 23%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
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School Rant

From a news report: 'Neil Bush, brother of President George W. Bush, stated that he endured pressure from a private school in Houston to medicate his son Pierce with Ritalin for ADHD incorrectly diagnosed by the school. "There is a systemic problem in this country, where schools are often forcing parents to turn to Ritalin," said Bush, 47, who spent years researching the issue. "It's obvious to me that we have a crisis in this country." Neil Bush also said, "The problem is, it isn't the kids that are broken. It's the system that is failing to engage children in the classroom," and "My heart goes out to any parents who are being led to believe their kids have a disorder or are disabled."'

And I get tired of people blaming the whole problem on the teachers failing to "engage" children in the classroom. There are many kids who spend more hours outside of school watching TV and playing video and computer games than they spend sitting in the classrooms. And then they come to school and expect to be entertained and "engaged" there. Kids who used to run around and play physically when they weren't in school don't nowadays. No wonder they have too much energy. And they watch so much TV/video/computer games that they have attention spans of gnats.

When I went to elementary, junior high, and high school, I never expected it to be a 7 hour game every day. Yes, school needs to be interesting, but I am getting tired of people expecting it to be entertaining. Perhaps it is the passivity of this viewpoint that irritates me. Children and their parents expect them to be engaged BY TEACHERS in their school work; they don't expect to engage THEMSELVES in the pursuit of learning.

And while I am complaining, I would like to ask why it is that kids nowadays think that they have to talk all of the time? Whenever I lament as a sub that I have had difficulty with a class that talked a bit too much, teacher after teacher will complain that the kids are talking all of the time in their regular classes, too. You get the kids quiet, so they can listen to instruction or directions on how to do something and the second you open your mouth to speak, they start talking again. This can and does go on for 20 minutes or more and the only thing that stops it is sending one or more kids to the school disciplinarian. That works for about 5 minutes and then you have to threaten them again. Or teachers will put names on the board and take time off of recess for excessive talking. The only two other things that stop the chatter are movies or TV and tests. Even tests work for only the part of the test where everyone is working. As soon as one kid finishes, the talking starts again.

I have tried thinking about causes for this behavior and the major ones I can think of are:

1) When kids watch TV or movies or actively play computer or video games, they are not talking. In fact, they seem to be passively receptive, even when they are actively pushing buttons for a video game. So when they finish this type of activity, they have a greater than normal need to connect with other people and they talk, talk, talk.

2) Kids are not taught to listen to instructions or conversation. They are so visually oriented (TV, video, and computers again) that their auditory processing is less capable. And they have learned very well in school that, if they do not pay attention to verbal instruction given to the whole class, once they are given the assignment, all they have to do is complain that they don't understand, and the teacher will give them individual help, often complete with several answers for which they have to do little or no work.

I guess I am feeling cantankerous today. Sorry.

Myers-Briggs Type

I just took an on-line test for my MBTI type a www.humanmetrics.com and this is the result:
Your Type is:
INFJ Strength of the preferences %
Introverted 44
Intuitive 62
Feeling 38
Judging 33

I always have trouble with these kinds of tests, though.  I fit either both sides of most questions, or neither. There are only a very few questions that I can truthfully answer completely comfortably one way or the other. One is usually something like "You analyze everything." To that one, I always give a resounding "YES!" (and that characteristic annoys my daughters endlessly). But given my discomfort with many of my other answers, I tend to feel that the result is more dependent on my current mood than it is dependent on my personality.

On the other hand, the Keirsey explanation of my type in this particular test, the Counselor type, certainly does seem to fit. I AM extraordinarily able to tell what people are thinking and feeling when I am with them. It is one of my greatest assets as a teacher. But it also makes teaching large groups of children difficult, because it is so frustrating to not be able to act on all of the input I am getting.

And now I just finished reading the Butt and Heiss explanation of my results and I am thinking that maybe there is more to the MBTI types than I have previously given credance.

Characteristics that seem particularly relevant/apropos:
1) Abstract in thought and speech -- I seem always to be trying to derive a general principle from what I am observing/experiencing.

2) Focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values

3) Not generally visibly a leader

4) This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

5) self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper

Things that seem NOT to match:
1) Make decisions easily -- I can agonize over purchases for weeks.

2) ... but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. -- I seem to be more open than this.

A Mixed Bag:
1) ...because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them -- I do have this ability, but I don't seem to be hurt easily.  It is more like I have the ability to understand the feelings, but the detachment to recognize that it isn't MY feelings.  (Which seems to be more what Heiss and Butt say.)

This has been more interesting than I expected, mainly because, as I stated above, I typically have a lot of trouble with these types of "tests". I have always wondered how a valid result could be generated when the preferences
for many of the particular answers were so slight. But it does seem to have done a decent job overall. Intriguing.

Perfection

Periodically in the past I have contemplated why it is that people cannot be perfect. Why CAN'T we do everything correctly? So I have begun drafting a list of reasons why. Here is my admittedly incomplete list so far.

People Can't Be Perfect Because ...
1) Lack of Time
There are many demands on people's time and the time required to do a task perfectly means inevitably that another task cannot be done perfectly.
2) Lack of Knowledge
Some tasks require more knowledge than is readily available. Sometimes this lack of knowledge relates to time, i.e., if I had more time, I could get the knowledge required to do the task perfectly; sometimes it doesn't, e.g., I can't talk to a student's dead grandparent about their relationship - that information is simply unavailable. Sometimes the information doesn't even exist, e.g., research hasn't yet shown us the best way to remedy certain problems.
3) Lack of Will
Sometimes there is no desire for perfection. I could make my bed perfectly every day. It doesn't take long; I know how; I even know it looks better; but it just isn't that important to me.
4) Competing Desires
I would love to lose weight - a lot of weight. But I also love good food and I hate being hungry. But, even though I eat nutritious food and I exercise regularly, I must eat too much, because I still weigh too much.
5) Lack of Ability to Empathize
This relates to Lack of Knowledge, but is slightly different. I may know about a student's problems at home, but I may never have experienced anything closely related, so while I could potentially recite all of the facts of the case, I have never, for example, lived in a foster home, so I don't really know how it FEELS.
6) Lack of Understanding
This relates to Lack of Knowledge, too, but is again slightly different. I may know about a student's problems at home, and I may have experienced something very close to that type of problem. So, while I have the knowledge needed and I can approximate the feelings, I may not have the understanding I need of how the various factors differ or interact. This may also happen in the purely scientific arena: I may have the facts about a scientific problem, but I may not yet understand their individual, relative, and cumulative importance.
7) Chance
I am not sure yet if this should be included. It seems to me that it should be, but I can't think right now of a situation in which I have done everything else perfectly, but the result was less than perfection, due to chance. Maybe this: I left in plenty of time to get to a job on time, I drove fine, but there was an accident blocking my normal driving route, so I ended up late. I am not convinced that I shouldn't blame that on something else, though, e.g., if I had more time, I could leave early enough so that traffic accidents wouldn't be a problem.
8) Conflicting Definitions of Perfection
I may cook what I consider a delicious dinner - hot and spicy squid with vegetables, but my husband hates hot things, all spices, and squid, so perfection is unattainable. If I want a perfect dinner for me, I have been perfect; but if I want to cook "the" perfect dinner, there is no such thing, since my husband and I don't agree on the definition of perfection in this case.

I suppose there are other reasons, but this is a start.
Laura